Jennilicious: She's delicious and nutritious!

Since Veganne has been so freakin' prolific as of late, I figured I had to at least post something! I guess I'll start with a little introduction.

I, too, come from a home where the term "portion" was considered whatever you could ingest without becoming violently ill, or even including that. I don't have many memories of not being fat, though there are pictures that prove I was once "normal-sized." One particular memory epitomizes my childhood eating habits. I was on vacation with my family in Florida (vacations in my family have always been centered around where we are going to eat next, not the sites to be seen). We went to a popular seafood restaurant and gorged ourselves. Because it was vacation, we "had" to get dessert, so, my dad and I ordered the brownie with vanilla ice cream, even though I was pretty much sickened by the mere thought of it. I can't remember if we finished all of it, but I'm sure we came close. Needless to say, by the time we got to the car, I had undone my pants and was groaning with pain and wanting to puke. Ironically (or fittingly), Duncan Sheik's "I Am Barely Breathing" came on the radio on the way back to the hotel. I don't think I ordered dessert after that for years. I still can't eat a brownie without thinking about that. Though this is an extreme version of my eating habits when I was young, it epitomizes my family's lack of food boundaries. I rarely ate only because I was hungry. I ate because it was comforting and, for the most part, was encouraged or wasn't really discouraged.

Once I got to college (in "crazy" Austin), a new food world opened up to me, though I was still addicted to my old eating habits, so I mostly just watched from afar as some people I knew shunned meat, dairy, fried foods, or what-have-you and ate what I thought were exotic fruits and vegetables because they didn't come from a can. I'd never seen things such as Thai food or sushi, except on TV or in magazines. I tried a bunch of different foods that I would've been scared of if I were still living at home. I've never been a picky eater, but I'd never been very adventerous unless someone else was there to hold my hand. I began drinking coffee, whereas before I'd mocked my mom for drinking "bean juice."

When I began living with roommates, my eating habits were once again controlled by what everyone else wanted to eat, or so I thought. I liked the convenience of us going to the store together and picking out food for the week(s) and preparing most of our meals together. The downside was that we always got the cheapest and easiest to prepare foods, mostly canned or boxed (PastaRoni, anyone?) and loaded with carbohydrates and fat. We also were guilty of enabling one another to eat unhealthily and foregoing any form of exercise. Our motto: If some cheese is good, more cheese is better!

When I moved across the world (or to Abilene), I began cooking for myself. I had a real job and real money for the first time and lived by myself for the first time ever. However, my odd schedule -- I worked nights and slept most of the day -- had detrimental effects on my social life and my eating habits. When I got off work, hardly anything was open, besides the bars and Wal-Mart, and the bars closed about an hour after I got off work. Most of my co-workers were years older than me and had families, so I didn't really do much besides work, sleep, and drive to see my now ex-boyfriend. I spent many nights wandering the aisles of Wally World searching for the thing that was going to fill me up emotionally and physically. I was trying to make better choices, i.e. less bread, more whole grains. I began experimenting with tofu and fish. But without someone else around to keep me in check, I was eating at weird hours and eating just about anything I could get my hands on because no one was watching me or judging me.

I've always had an underlying paranoia that people were watching me while I ate and thinking, "God, how can she do that to herself? Why doesn't she just quit eating for a while and see how that works out?" I've never really considered myself that bad of an eater, in that I don't really like food that is rich, sweet, or salty, and I'd take vegetables over just about any other food in the world. Most of my friends are baffled as to how I could've ever become overweight. I'm sure most of it stems from the fact that I pretty much disdain any form of physical exertion.

Over the past year, I've been re-examining my health and have come to the realization that I'm too young to be this damn old. My dad has high blood pressure and growing up around chemical plants surely has given me a predisposition toward cancers of all types. And after learning about Veganne's own experience with cancer, I've had a heightened awareness about it. I suffer from hypothyroidism, which most likely was one of the factors in my becoming overweight in the first place (though I know it's NOT an excuse). I have to take a pill for it every day for the rest of my life and have always felt rundown because of it. This is a bad foot to start off on when you know your health and happiness depends on being more physically active, but getting out of bed in the morning can literally be physically exhausting.

Veganne and I have always been excited for each other's eating adventures, so when she told me she was starting to incorporate vegan practices into her diet, I started researching more about foods and diets. I've experimented more, trying to choose organic over the regular. I've taken pride in the fact that every time I pulled out my lunch, my co-workers rolled their eyes and asked what weird food I had that day. I've also come to learn that many people just plain don't understand not eating meat (I used to be one of them). I've encountered ridicule for attempting to phase meat out of my diet from friends and family. I guess I just got used to the Austin-y, laissez-faire attitude about food, where just about anything and everything is accepted. Though I rarely go out to eat, it seems more of a hassle than a convenience because no one seems to get that "no meat" means just that. Most of the time, I just eat it anyway and feel guilty later because I don't want spit food. That's why I prepare most of my food, so I don't feel like I'm getting the third degree about everything. Also, I'm cheap and hate spending money on things like food. Furthermore, like Veganne, I don't care about making my food "pretty" or "appealing" and I'm sure most of it would be considered inedible by many. I don't care. I'll eat it anyway. Though I doubt I'll ever be able to call myself 100% vegetarian or low-fat or vegan, I know that I will continue to make better decisions with regards to food. And slowly, but surely, I will incorporate that she-beast called exercise into my life. After all, I'm worth it.